All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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