Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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