You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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