I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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