barbara walters just said penis...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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