I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
