So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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