He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
