to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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