I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
