There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
