3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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