It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
