your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
