If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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