Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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