I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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