Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's always time for handjobs
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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