as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this will be a night to untag.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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