your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
