It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
