Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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