So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
