I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
