explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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