Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just want to make out with him forever
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
