the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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