You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
