Me. At least after what I've been through.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
