Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
