smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I want is dick and wine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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