I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
