trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
