you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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