sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Drunk is not a location!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
