We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
