i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
