Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just had sex on a roof
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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