btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
