Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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