You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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