is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
