Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize