Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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