I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
