Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
