I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize