I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
