NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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