I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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