i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
