and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
