So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Boobs speak an international language.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
