How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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