My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize