Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
