The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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