So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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