I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
