I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
