He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
