he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
