The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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