He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
