a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize