Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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