After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
