I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
