I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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