I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I could fuck to npr.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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