apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize